Falling in love can be one of life's most exhilarating experiences. It’s like stepping into a world where colours are brighter, music is more meaningful, and time seems to either slow down or race ahead when you’re with that person. A rush of excitement, anticipation, and deep emotional connection makes everything feel more alive. But when love fades or is unreciprocated, moving on can feel impossible.
Whether you’re going through a painful breakup or trying to let go of unrequited love, learning how to stop loving someone is a process that requires patience and self-care. This guide will walk you through the psychological aspects of moving on and offer you some proven strategies to help you heal.
The Psychology Behind Moving On from Love
Falling in love affects our minds as much as our hearts. Love isn’t just a feeling, it is deeply rooted in our brain chemistry. When you love someone, your brain releases dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin—hormones associated with pleasure and emotional bonding. Because it’s a chemical reaction, forgetting someone you love isn’t just about emotional willpower; it’s about rewiring your brain’s response. The attachment and memories you’ve formed with someone create neural pathways, making it hard to fall out of love with someone overnight. They say that time heals all wounds, and in the case of lost love, it takes time to rewire your brain. Just knowing this can help you be more patient with yourself as you take the steps to move forward.
Why Is It So Hard to Forget Someone You Love?
We’ve touched on how falling in love affects your brain. But even so, letting go of someone you love fast is easier said than done. Here are some reasons why it feels so difficult:
Emotional investment: The time, energy, and emotions you've invested make it hard to walk away.
Unfinished business: If there was no closure, your mind keeps replaying memories and conversations. Often leaving you with more questions than answers.
Fear of the unknown: The uncertainty of life without that person can create anxiety and reluctance to move on. Maybe you don’t remember life before them or can’t see a future without them. Try to remember that fear is a feeling and not a fact.
Biological responses: Your brain sees love as a reward system. Breaking that connection can trigger withdrawal symptoms similar to addiction.
Societal pressure: We’re often conditioned to believe that true love lasts forever or that we are designed to love only one person. These beliefs can make it harder to accept when a relationship ends.
Do these challenges resonate with you? Take some time to reflect on each of them. Acknowledging them can help you develop strategies to move on with a clear mind and a renewed sense of self.
How Long Does It Take to Forget Someone?
There’s no universal timeline for healing. Everyone is different. While there are no studies to determine how long it takes to forget someone, it’s popular opinion suggests that it can take around three to six months to start feeling better after a breakup. Deeper connections can take years to fully process. The thought of hurting for any length of time can be excruciating, but how long it takes to heal depends on factors like:
The length of the relationship – Even short love affairs can leave you feeling like your world has come crashing down around you, but typically longer relationships take more time to heal from. The more time you’ve spent with someone, the more memories and experiences (and neural pathways) you create that have to be rewired.
The intensity of emotions involved—The deeper the emotional connection, the harder it is to break. Maybe you were fully invested or had expectations of a long-term commitment. Or maybe you had a connection with someone that you’ve never had with anyone else. These factors can impact how long it will take to get over someone.
Your coping mechanisms – Healthy coping strategies can shorten the healing process, while unhealthy ones (such as avoidance or denial) can prolong it. Drowning your sorrows, for example, can exacerbate the problem - leaving you feeling worse rather than better.
These factors might give you an idea of how long it will take to move on from someone, but again, everyone processes and experiences breakups differently. While you may not know how long you’ll feel hurt, you can be proactive in your healing. Let’s look at some ways to move forward after a relationship ends.
Proven Strategies to Stop Thinking About Them
If you’re wondering how to stop loving someone, here are some psychological tricks to move on from love:
Limit contact: Reduce or completely cut off communication to allow yourself space to heal. Frequent or even infrequent contact can bring up feelings that can consume your heart and mind and, ultimately, stall your healing.
Remove triggers: Unfollow them on social media, delete old texts, and put away sentimental objects. As tempting as it might be, studies show that keeping tabs on an ex through social media can slow emotional recovery.
Reframe your thoughts: Instead of dwelling on what you lost, focus on what you learned and how you grew. Research shows that recovering from a breakup is also a catalyst for personal growth and self-awareness. As hard as it might sound, embrace the lessons.
Practice mindfulness: Meditation and deep breathing can help shift your focus from painful memories. If that is challenging for you, remember that mindfulness is about fully engaging in the moment rather than being lost in thoughts about the past or the future. Be fully present with friends or family, take a walk in nature, or engage all of your senses when enjoying a meal. Practice mindfulness in your daily life by appreciating the moment and being intentional in your actions.
Challenge idealisation: It’s easy to get caught up in what could have been. But no relationship is perfect, and some have more challenges than others. Remind yourself of the negative aspects of the relationship to balance your perspective.
Use these strategies to help you find a sense of acceptance and hope for the future in the aftermath of a painful breakup.
Ways to Shift Your Focus and Rebuild Your Life
You may feel devastated now, but with some patience, time, and effort you can come out of this happier and more in love with your life. When you find yourself letting your thoughts be consumed by the past, redirect your energy toward positive activities. Here are some practical ways you can move forward and encourage your healing:
Set new goals: Focus on personal growth, career advancements, or your fitness. What goals have you been putting off? Maybe it’s time to tackle them.
Try something new: Take up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try.Give yourself the space to discover new things about yourself and have different experiences.
Surround yourself with positivity: Spend time with friends and family who uplift you. Do things that bring you joy, spend time in nature, read books that foster positivity or make you laugh. Invite happiness into your life as much as you can.
Travel or change your routine: A change of scenery can provide a fresh perspective. Go on a trip, and see new things. Change your routine or your habits - take a different route to work or set your alarm to get up earlier in the morning. Even small changes can accumulate over time to give you a new perspective on things.
Steps to Heal Your Heart After a Breakup
Healing from heartbreak is not a straight path—it’s a winding journey with moments of progress and setbacks. Some days will feel lighter, while others may bring waves of grief. It’s important to remind yourself that healing is not about forgetting but about learning how to move forward without the weight of the past holding you down. Here are steps you can take to make the process more manageable:
Allow yourself time to grieve: Accept your emotions without judgement. Suppressing feelings only delays the healing process.
Write it out: Journaling helps process thoughts and emotions, allowing you to express feelings that may be difficult to verbalise.
Seek support: Talking to a therapist or trusted friend can offer valuable guidance and provide emotional relief.
Avoid rebounds: Jumping into another relationship too soon can delay genuine healing by masking unresolved emotions.
Focus on your future: Visualise the life you want beyond this relationship and take active steps toward personal growth and fulfilment.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not about waiting for time to do the work for you. It’s about making intentional choices each day to prioritise your well-being, to let go of the pain little by little, and to believe that love will find you again in a healthier, more fulfilling way. Growth often comes from pain, and through this journey, you may discover a deeper strength and resilience within yourself than you ever knew existed.
Healthy Distractions That Speed Up Healing
Keeping yourself busy with meaningful activities isn’t about avoidance. It’s about shifting your focus towards things that bring joy, purpose, and a sense of progress. The key is to engage in activities that nurture you rather than simply distract you. Here are some healthy ways to fill your time:
Exercise: Physical activity releases endorphins, reducing stress and sadness while improving overall well-being.
Creative outlets: Painting, writing, or music can serve as powerful emotional releases, allowing you to channel your feelings constructively.
Volunteering: Helping others provides a sense of fulfilment and shifts your focus outward, reminding you that kindness and connection still exist beyond heartbreak.
Learning new skills: Taking a class or pursuing a new passion can give you something positive to invest in, redirecting your energy towards self-improvement.
Distractions alone won’t heal your heart, but meaningful engagement with life will. Every new experience, every act of creativity, every step forward in your personal growth reminds you that life continues—offering new opportunities, new joy, and eventually, new love.
The Power of Self-Love in Forgetting Someone
The most important step in moving on is prioritising yourself. Self-love isn’t just about pampering yourself—it’s about setting boundaries, recognising your worth, and ensuring that you never settle for less than you deserve.
Practice positive affirmations: Remind yourself daily that you are worthy of love.
Build emotional resilience: Strengthen your ability to handle future relationships in a healthy way.
Forgive yourself and others: Letting go of resentment allows you to truly move forward.
Forgetting someone you love is a process that takes time, but it’s entirely possible. By understanding the psychology behind love and attachment, implementing healthy coping strategies, and embracing self-love, you can move forward stronger than before. Healing isn’t about erasing the past but learning from it to create a brighter future for yourself. With patience, self-care, and the right mindset, you can reclaim your happiness and open yourself up to new, fulfilling experiences.